Cristy Cash, Crystal and I (Shanna) are having a night or worship/ministry/prayer for women next weekend. The three of us have been praying and preparing for this night. Cristy sent an email to Crystal and I. I HAD to share it with ya’ll. If you will read all the way down to ‘Thing 2′ you will see how this ties into orphans and widows…and us. May you understand more of the power of God’s healing love in the lives of these two groups…and in our own lives. 
(I have taken the liberty of highlighting my favorite parts 
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Hi sweet Girls! OK-I am starting to prepare for our amazing upcoming night with God and I wanted to just share a few things that God has been showing me. I am not totally organized yet on how it fits together, but you two know God when you hear/see him so I think you will pick it out and I hope it blesses and encourages you both as you prepare!!!
So I have been in this new season for me – motherhood – that is rather challenging. I am not able to function at as high a level as I would like and I get discouraged. I don’t sleep very well at night, so when I go to work the next morning (I am ALWAYS late – I have come to grips with that ) I am not as “smart” as I was. Solutions don’t come easy. I rely on God, but sometimes he “let’s me down” because I needed a world’s answer – not a heart answer .I am not as tough as I think I should be – but probably tougher than I give myself credit for (people say). I fight depression – I have for years. It’s the last nagging fruit of my sinful self-centeredness and immaturity. I am trying very hard to focus on staying away from that darn pit – no, that scary chasm – that can pull me down and waste as much as an entire weekend – which I so looked forward to.
I pull this schedule for too long and then I get into a “hole” or as my sister Melinda would call it “a place” . Girls – let me tell you I am healthy enough these days to know what to do, but sometimes there is just no knowledge that can pull you out! The deficit is hard to recover.
The awesome news is – God is so good. He has given me a toolbox. Sometimes the tool is like needing oxygen when there is no air – I must desperately fend off panic and calmly and quickly work the latch on the box to find it and pull it to my lungs so that I can have the air I need to survive. But I do it! He helps me! I could have never done that 6 or 7 years ago – in many situations I could not have done it last year. There is no doubt he gently leads me along. He is so sweet. He always lets me see how my faith and effort were part of the equation so we can look at each other and smile when we accomplished something only the two of us can fully appreciate the difficulty of. 
But I fortunately or unfortunately have seen His Glory and I want nothing else . I know the value of a mother, of a friend and a wife. I know the value of godly leadership in a secular workplace and how rare and precious these things are – that the world tosses their value aside and that a willing worker has to sow in tears sometimes to reap in joy. 
God has taught me how to be music into others’ lives – and I have to do it – because it is right and fun and it is a luxury to be that to Him and to others. I want everyone to know my little family joyfully makes this sacrifice to the Pearl of Great Cost and that WE are His pearls of great cost that He rejoices in his sacrifice.
My Lord is a Pearl of Great Cost – to me. It costs my comfort and restraint in a world where I could probably be more and have more than I do.
• There is encouragement for those who have made sacrifice without yet reaping the joy!
o Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn away to false gods. Psalm 40:4
o Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence O Lord. Psalm 89:15
o I have told you these things so that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
o And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:7
o Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him. Isaiah 64:4
o When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? Psalm 56:3,4
o Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord. O my soul. I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. Psalm 146:1-2
God has recently shown me a few things through a devotional book called “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young, through Jerome’s January 15th blog entry and just through my own mini-crises of emotional pain (He seems to allow this prior to times of worship so I will be able to connect and understand.)
• Thing #1:Thanksgiving is like a fight to the throne of God. It is how we unite with God in His sovereignty over a trial. It is the lethal blow to the enemy in spiritual warfare. It is a gentle shortcut Jesus provided to being ok. It is a sacrifice that He does not underestimate. He knows how we get shut down emotionally and thanking is so difficult. He sees the offering through tears and he will honor it. There is power in accepting each day as it comes and searching for God’s blessings in the difficulty.
o Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thess 5:18
o Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of any kind. James 1:2.
• Thing #2: I understand why the widows and the orphans. (this is just one dimension – I may be totally off base, but I think there is something to this!)
o These two groups are groups many of us think we can’t identify with. I know I have not been able to. I tend to be less patient with this group because they are so darn needy! (insert ironic sarcasm here)
o BUT we all are or have been this. It represents our time before Christ was Lord of each part of our lives – and I suppose we never leave these groups since He is always transforming us to his image. Some people here on earth represent these two groups literally, but we are all a part of them.
* The orphan is someone who has never known the hand of provision, or personal undivided love. The orphan has never known a parent who creates an environment solely for supporting their personalized developmental needs and lays out a path for their successful future. The orphan has never known the love of a mother or a father.
I have seen how powerful this love is in an instance from when Jackson was in the hospital. When he was born, he didn’t have lungs yet – just sacs that would form into lungs. It was a struggle to keep his blood saturated with oxygen – and when he was upset or uncomfortable which was much of the time, his saturation went down. He had to be given strong pain management drugs to keep him sedated and sleeping so he could be calm enough to take in oxygen. Alarms sounded often since his saturation would go down to 70 – sometimes 58% levels. 
When he was 5 and ½ weeks old, I got to hold him for the first time – his mother for the first time could provide direct love to him through touch. I held him on my chest with his tiny ear to my chest and the ventilator in his tiny mouth. Almost instantly we saw the physical result of that love. My heart beat into his ears, his temperature regulated on my skin and his blood saturation level pegged the top of the chart at 98 and 99%! He was calm and happy and so was I. Like when we and God hold one another like this. 
o The widow is possibly more painful. She has known the tender love of a husband and had a life – then at the point when her needs are growing and not shrinking – the hand of love is removed from her and it is not there. It is not there. Instead she can see all the dreams of her future going away and look back on a life of preparation and be blind to the fruit. Dangerous loneliness creeps in and threatens to steal, kill and destroy.
o God has so much compassion for these two groups! He does not want us/them to be destroyed! He wants us to thrive and he knows they need so much support! It is a miracle to love these two groups because it is dependant on God being present in our lives to love them. That’s why it is an awesome act of God when we love and serve and support them!
Anyway – that is my long rambling I just wanted to share. Love you!
This is an update of our last mission trip from Sherri Drwenski who is part of the leadership team for the Education Project in Sierra Leone.
Dear friends,
Our flight out of OKC was delayed for hours which caused us to miss our connection in London. We ended up spending an extra day in London and flying out Wednesday evening traveling through Nairobi, Kenya, with a stop in Ghana before finally making it to Sierra Leone!
The church service on New Year’s was lively with so much joy it was hard to contain! At midnight, everyone wishes you well in addition to saying “I hope you change.” I have to agree with that statement. I really hope to change! I think one of the biggest things that I came away with this trip was that it isn’t about me or my plans to make things happen in Sierra Leone! In fact, God doesn’t even really need me, but allows me to have a part in this work because He is good. Two of the main things I set out to do were sidelined and there wasn’t a whole lot I could do about it. 
This is very frustrating for my American mindset, but really a commonplace thing in Africa. I had to tell the Lord that I didn’t want it to be about me and confess that I was sorry for where I did make it about me. The books that I had gathered for the tutoring program didn’t arrive with our team, but only came on the evening we left. And the library books for the senior secondary school that were sent in the last container were mistakenly taken by Njala University with the books donated to them by OSU.
In a country with no libraries, it’s not too hard to understand why these books weren’t returned when someone noticed that they were all marked clearly “Wellington Sr. Secondary School Library”. In fact, I learned that the only library in the country was vandalized during the civil war and books are just too expensive to replace. So it was with a very discouraged heart, that I realized the room that stood ready to be stocked with hundreds of books donated by friends had only encyclopedias and a few other books that somehow made it to their location. The pastors felt the loss greatly when it was understood the books were gone, but I assured them that God was able to replace the loss and provide them with a library. These are men that have faced death at firing squads and have depended on God for their survival and the survival of the 90 children they took in with no means. How can I be discouraged about such a small set back? My God is able and mighty and nothing is too hard for Him. When the library is completed, we will able be able to look at how mightily God provided. They have a vision for this library to not only serve the Senior Secondary and Junior Secondary students, but they will also open up the library to university students and others to bless the community around them. So I am once again humbly asking for book donations.
We had the wonderful privilege of traveling with two amazing women, Shanna and Deborah. Deborah is staying for the next six months to tutor the children in reading and math and really be a mom to them. We had an amazing time getting the children into groups and starting the reading program. She is going to be such a blessing to them, and I’m excited that she gets to continue the good work started by Amy Kernal. Shanna has been to Africa four other times and loves more than any person I know. I literally asked God to help me love deeply like her all those around me. Every time I turned around, she was praying with someone, or studying the word with children, or just loving on someone.
We were there with another team from Dallas and had the incredible opportunity to take part in a community outreach. The children of the orphanage sang and performed for hundreds of people, while we got the chance to serve meals to those who came. We rarely see people who are truly hungry. We talked about it later with the older children and described all the ways that people can get food in America. There are no food stamps or food banks or soup kitchens in Sierra Leone. So when the word goes out that the church is serving a free meal – not just rice, but rice, meat, and something else I couldn’t identify, plus a cold beverage – the people came. They sat patiently while we handed out meals. But as time went on the children in the back of the room started to get panicky about not getting a meal. They began to mob us as we served, making it almost impossible. We kept assuring them that they would get a plate, but that didn’t help. They only knew that they were hungry and we had food. The orphans served food and drinks to those around them. Isn’t that just an amazing thought! Orphans, who are usually at the bottom of the totem pole are serving others. We felt that Jesus was right there in the midst of these people caring for their needs and making sure they were fed.
The whole trip was filled with ways that God showed us each day, all day His faithfulness and provision. But one of the most amazing things that happened while we were there is still hard for me to believe! A group of us were walking down the hill with Pastor Hassan in the lead. A lady called out to him from in front of her house, and he walked over to talk to her. When he came back to our group, he said that she had just given birth on Christmas Day to a baby girl and their imam had told them that it was a sign that the baby should be blessed in the Christian Church! This family was Muslim!! The mother said that she had a peace about that and asked the pastor if they could bring her to the church. Pastor Hassan, who himself was raised Muslim, told the family that this happened because God wanted them to accept Jesus Christ. The father said he wasn’t ready to do that yet, but would allow his baby to be blessed in the church. Well, sure enough, just two days later, this woman came to church with her very small baby. She sat next to us at the front of the church through the service. Then the pastor called her to the front of the church where she sat with her baby. He told the whole congregation her story and how God used this baby to bring this family to know about Christ. He spoke directly to the baby, blessing her and when he asked the baby’s name, the mother said it was “Christiana”!! He gave the mother a bible and asked her if she would teach her child about God and raise her the way God wanted her to. The woman agreed she would and the church then blessed her with an offering. The pastor’s quiet, but very strong faith never wavers from the truth that Jesus Christ is the way, the truth, and the life, and that no man comes to the father except through the son. Oh, for boldness like that!!
My dear, sweet husband is called “a hard-working man” by all the children and adults at the orphanage. 
Hassan Oxford, his right-hand man at the orphanage, said that he is a man of works, not words. He works from sun-up to past sun-down on things that need fixing. He repainted chalkboards for Deborah’s tutoring and at the senior secondary school. He cleaned out the generator tanks that were contaminated with water and bolted the generator down so that it could be outfitted with a muffler he brought. He fixed the always breaking-down chairs and tables at the orphanage. He and two other men made a table for the kitchen ladies from pallets. They had nothing to set food off of the ground on. He made a cover for the water tank on the roof that was open to birds and bugs. He and his crew sprayed the orphanage three times for cockroaches. I have to think that this helped, but it seemed to make them only go running everywhere! He was also seen fixing lockers for children or anything else they brought to him that needed fixing! And one of his main jobs was to make sure that Deborah was set for her stay. He installed new mosquito screens on the windows and door, hung her mosquito net, built her a shelf, and sprayed her room for bugs! He loves all the children so much that it is very hard for him to say goodbye without tears. 
They love their Papa Greg and how hard he works for them! In addition to all this, Greg met with the Minister of Works and Infrastructure with Pastor Hassan to show him the bridge plans and to further the work that Crystal and Mike Webb are doing to build a bridge in a very remote village. The minister was an amazing man that has a passion for bridge-building in his country and cleared the way for 4-HIM’s new construction company, “Nehemiah Construction Company” to be licensed to begin the work. And last but not least, Papa Greg was given the privilege of preaching at church on Sunday and also sharing the word with the children during several devotions.
I know this is a very long at this point, but I have to share one more thing that the gave me so much joy! I feel like it was such a gift from God. I worked in the library at the orphanage to reorganize the books over several days and had many helpers and visitors. When the children came in, I would ask them to tell me about what they had read in the library or what their favorite books were. I had so many children describe to me their favorite books, even pulling them off of the shelves to show me. One girl pulled off of the shelf a Christian U.S. History textbook. This seemed like a very unlikely “favorite book”, but she showed me her favorite part. It was a section about how John Wesley came to America and shared the gospel with American Indians. This same girl told me that she wanted to be a journalist and write a book about the war. I was then able to show her books on the shelves that others had written about wars. I showed her Anne Frank’s Diary, Zlata’s Diary (a 13 year old’s diary about the Bosnia War), and also showed her Corrie ten Boom’s book written from prison. I encouraged her to read these and write her book! 
Isn’t it amazing that God loves these children so much that they have a wonderful, small library in their orphanage, in a country without libraries. And God is using these resources to build up these Nehemiah’s so they can in turn restore their country!
Thank you again everyone who shared in this with us through your encouragement, prayers, and support. God is good all the time!
Love,
Greg and Sherri
Yesterday someone asked me, “How did your wife’s trip go?” The question caught me a little off guard. You see this person was not looking for a ‘good/not good’ response. They wanted to ‘KNOW’ how it went. After past trips I was able to answer this question with quick, powerful stories. One time I was able to say, “4 babies that were going to die, lived instead.” Another time I was able to say, “A whole polio village that was starving (in Sierra Leone there are no emergency food stamps) was provided with food for the rainy season.” This time I could not think of a big story so I just said, “Good.” Many people have questioned me about why people go on these mission trips. It is not always easy to quantify. Many people think it is not a wise use of money. For most trips at least I can tell these people, “Well, she (using gifts donated by friends) fed a whole village and saved a few babies. Is that enough for you?” But that is not the real value of any of her trips. I think this trip has really shown the most important of all the reasons that she goes. This reason is ‘simply to share a bottle of water.’
Later that night as we were going to bed Shanna brought a stack of letters the kids wrote to her into our bedroom. She has been reading 2 of them a night to me. I was really tired this night and put up a little bit of a fight. She told me it would only take a few min so I agreed just to pacify her. One letter really stuck out to me. One of the girls wrote her saying how special a walk they took together was to her. The girl specifically thanked Shanna because as they walked and talked Shanna shared her bottle of water with her. The girl said, “No one has ever show me love like that.” Wow! “No one has ever shown me love like that!” What???
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I realized that I had heard at least 20 kids say basically the same things to her in letters I have read. “When you shared your food with me…When I asked you to do a bible study with me…When you held me when I cried…When you took care of me when I was sick…When you bought me clothes in the market place…When you wrote me a letter and sent a picture.” No wonder probably about 30 to 40 of the kids call me Dad now even though most have never talked to me. I am going to be honest, when I go I will want to stay at the Hotel. When she goes she stays in their rooms with them. When I go I will give them food. When she goes she will share a plate with them. What most people do not understand about orphans is that their greatest desire…the pinnacle of their desire is not for food and water. The pinnacle of their desire is for SOMEONE to provide food and water. If they were hungry and you gave them the choice of food or to be held what do you think they would choose? If they were sick with a fever and you give them a choice between a bottle of water and someone to hold them and pray for them (as Christina Parker did and almost lost her life doing it) what do you think they would choose? Why does Shanna raise $3600 to leave her kids and life for weeks at a time? Why doesn’t she just send all that money over in cases of food, drink and medicine? I will tell you why…because IT IS MORE IMPORTANT for her to share one bottle of water as she walks and talks with a girl who does not have a mother. It is more important for her to sit and hold a girl as she cries and recounts the story of her parents’ deaths. It is more important for a little boy to be able to show his friends his ‘Mom Shanna’ and brag about how she comes 5-6 weeks every year to spend time with him.
Let me tell you who my God is! He is THE GOD that will travel thousands of miles and spend thousands of dollars to share a bottle of water with an orphan! He is THE GOD who will hold a child with TB even though it will almost kill Him. He is the GOD who will leave his own spouse and children so he can Love those who have no family! How my heart burns for Him! How beautiful HE is!
You see, Shanna did many things on her trip. She helped with the education program, she clothed many of the kids and she provided food for the hungry but the most important thing? How did her trip go? What is the greatest thing she has ever done?
‘SHE SHARED A BOTTLE OF WATER WITH JESUS’
Was it worth the $3600 that was given? Was it worth 2 weeks without physical contact (you know what that means)? Was it worth my kids having to suffer a little? Was it worth…is it worth risking her very life? Is it worth risking my kids maybe living with no mom? HELL YEAH! If He risked the cross for me…and I believe that…why would I not risk anything just to give him a drop of water? Why would I not show others a love they have never seen? It will all be worth it to hear someone say to me, “No one has ever shown me love like that.”
Our oldest Africa son Solomon is in his second year at Njala University in Sierra Leone. His best friend is Desmond. Together these two are going to change their nation to the glory of God. I will write more about these two precious ones later, but for now I will let you read a recent email exchange between Desmond and I:
Desmond,
Thank you for all the time you spent with me while I was in Africa. Thank you for seeking the Lord with all of your heart. Thank you for being a constant source of love and encouragement for my sweet son Solomon. I feel so blessed and proud to be connected to your life.
You are an amazing young man. I want to tell you some reasons why I am proud of and why the Lord is proud of you through some of the things I observed about you on this last trip.
The first thing is the testimony of how you sought the Lord with everything in you when you wanted to switch course studies. You sought His face and did not give up. You knew that He had the power to act in your behalf and you trusted him in this. The joy that you had when He granted your requested was so precious! I KNOW that He rejoices over you and takes great delight in you…because you take such delight in Him.
I loved that you were content to just sit and be with us. Even if we weren’t directly interacting with you. You were with us to give and not to receive. The few nights that Solomon didn’t come to the home, you came anyway and sat and talked with me…you could have stayed with him because I know you love him and also desired to spend time with him. Thank you for spending time with me in his behalf. You are a great friend to him. Being a good friend is difficult and rare. It is hard to not try and see how we can get fulfillment from our friendships instead of how we can give.
It was worship to the Lord that you sat and spent so much care and time making the ties for dad Jerome and papa Greg…the jewelry for me and Mama Sherri and the necklass for Micah. I want you to know the tie, and the jewelry you made this time and last time are some of our greatest treasures. It is so special to me that you made something with such love and thoughtfulness. I love the jewelry you made more than my most expensive piece of jewelry that has been bought in America. Thank you!
I know it was difficult and a sacrifice to type up the laws. It was so special that you had two copies made and bound for me and Crystal. I know this was not a small or easy thing for you to do. It was a labor of love. Please know that these laws are precious to me. I am so proud of you and Solomon for creating them. They are a treasure to me!
Thank you for the rich spiritual conversations that you had with me about the scriptures, the things of the Lord. Those conversations strengthened my faith and have brought me closer to the Lord.
Thank you for your joy. Your sacrifices to spend time with me. Thank you for the way you love and serve Solomon. Thank you for the way you have accepted me into your life and made me feel special and loved.
I want you to know I feel as if it was a gift from the Lord to meet your family. I felt it was a great honor. The love you showed your mum when we went to your house was so precious. The way you showed her affection and honored her with your words was amazing. She is so blessed to have you as a son! I want you to know it is very difficult to be a mum and raise your children in the Lord, it can become so discouraging at times, you wonder if you are doing a good job and want to please the Lord. You loving and encouraging your mum and praising her, honoring her, being affectionate toward her, gives her the strength and encouragement to continue seeking Him and leading her children in the Lord. God is using you in her life.
I love that you are seeking to honor him by being steadfast in your studies. I know that you know the Lord is going to use you for many years to come to change your nation and even the world to make an eternal difference.
Even though you did not sleep the last night you came back to the home and stayed with me until I left. I know you were very tired. Your sacrifice was such a blessing. Your presence was a comfort.
Desmond, during my time in Africa the Lord has used you in immeasurable ways to bring me closer to the Lord and to encourage me to continue to believe that He will do greater things in my life, in Sierra Leone, in America. He has used you to remind me that He is taking care of Solomon, serving him through you in my absence. He has used you to remind me that investing in the lives of those He has called me to is my highest calling…and that there is an eternal difference being made.
I love you!
I love Solomon, more than I have words for. I know that you are one of the most important parts of his life. I feel so blessed that we too are connected as one family. Thank you for loving him so much. Please continue to encourage him and love him deeply in my behalf…in the Lord’s behalf. Your love and encouragement play a BIG role in God’s plan for his life. Please continue to pray the Lord would bring him to America soon. My heart aches so much for him to be here with us.
I love you and am counting the days until we are all together again as one family.
Give my love to your mum, dad and brothers. Tell your mum that her love for the Lord, her husband and children has made a great impact on me. She will reap a harvest for many years to come for her love and faithfulness. She is beautiful inside and out. I will write her and send a letter with the next team.
Desmond, thank you again.
Your life has eternal value and you are precious to the Lord, so precious.
Pray He makes a way for me to return soon! Keep seeking Him with your whole heart. He is our great reward, our greatest Treasure. He is all we really need. He is more than enough to keep and sustain our lives!
Keep reminding Solomon of God’s love and mine.
I love you!
Mum
(I am so sorry for crying so much when I left. I was trying not to…it is just so difficult. When I am there I grow so much more deeply in love with each visit and so there is pain at the thought of being separated for months. But as always He brings comfort joy and strength to last between each visit. He also somehow grows and strengthens the relationships even though I am not physically with those I love so much. This is a miracle that only He could perform in the human heart! )
I love you and will see you soon!
Mum
Hi Mum
Thank you very much for appreciating the time we spent together, and for the good dialog that we got. No need to say thanks because I did what I did out of love, the love for God, you and Solomon. I was so excited for your arrival here in Sierra Leone so it was my place for us to have good time.
How were Dad Jerome and the boys when you got back? I know they were missing you a lot. I’m so glad Him and Micah love the gift that I made for them.
I’m also glad that you love what we did to the laws, had Crystal get her own copy? I only hope she loves it just as you did.
As you are aware Solomon has set off for his campus, to prepare himself for the exam forth coming. He is going to start his exam on the 25th of this month, my own time table for the exam is not yet up, but hope to be very soon.
I was so sad seeing you both leaving, I did not wanted you both to leave at all. I was really enjoying the time that we all was having together as a family, they were my best moment, especially the night that we stood up till 4:30 in the morning, I love the conversations that we had that night. I pray that the good Lord that we are serving will bring us together again as one family.
Mum is extending her thanks and appreciation for the gift that you bought for her, she really love’s it and like putting it on each and every other day. She loved the conversation that you both had as two mothers and she keeps on talking about it. She really appreciate that you endeavor to come and see them on your arrival here in Sierra Leone, and she hope that God will make it possible for such things to happen again.
Mum, I want to thank you for the time that we had when you were here, I want to thank you for walking all the way down to see my family and had a good chat with them, and most of all I want to thank you for the money that you left with me, I really appreciate it. I used the money to buy my statistics material to prepare myself for the exam, as I’m a little bit behind, so I need the materials to close the gap between me and my colleagues.
Once again I say thank you very much for all that you did.
My greetings to the entire family and friends, I love you all.
Stay bless
Love always
Your Son
Desmond
I am back from Sierra Leone. By the grace of God I am settling back into my American life. This transition is always unique for me. I don’t think it is ever easy.
I am not sure where to start so I guess I will start from the beginning.
We missed our flight in London and had to stay the night at a hotel. We had to take two extra flights and go through many extra hours of travelling starting the next evening. We finally arrived two days after we were supposed to. I can now say I have walked on the land of Kenya…if walking from the airport to the airplane counts
This whole process forced me to depend on Him. I was discouraged. I was heart sick. I did not want to be in London. I did not care about seeing Big Ben or St. Peter’s Cathedral. At that moment I didn’t care about the opportunity to learn about London’s rich history. I wanted to see Pastor Hassan’s face and hold my African sons hand on the drive to the orphanage. I wanted to walk up the familiar hill to the home. I longed to see beautiful African women with babies tied to their backs while they carried bowls of bread on top of their heads. I wanted to be greeted by 90 orphans smiling faces. I wanted to sit and hug my African sons and daughters and have them tell me about how they are doing in school, what they have been reading in the bible, how their lives have been during our 5 month separation. I wanted to spend every waking moment of the 10 days I had been planning with the ones I love. God has His own way. God has His own timing. God has His own plan. So I chose to trust Him.
In looking back I know the Lord used the extra travel and missed planes to prepare me to do His will while I was in SL. He used the extra time and the fatigue to allow me to be emptied of myself, to be weak so I could experience more of His strength. In my emotional and physical weakness I cried out to Him. Through this He revealed many things in my heart. Things I needed to let go of…ways I wasn’t trusting Him. He brought me near.
I secretly think He stretched out the days while I was there. It did not feel like we lost two days. In fact it felt as if He multiplied every day we were in country. The days were long and they were full. Full of His love, His purposes, His voice, His breath, His joy, His sorrow, His wisdom, His counsel, His will.
Like never before I felt as if this must have been the culture Jesus walked in while on the earth. I reflected on all I have learned about His life through the gospels. I am certain if He were here today He would be walking among the poorest groups of people in the world…giving the willing ones a spiritual richness…living water.
At one point we were telling Pastor Hassan we wanted to understand the culture of Sierra Leone so we could best minister to the children. He told us we only needed to read the bible to understand his culture. This has stood out in my mind. If I want to understand Jesus more…the compassion He had, I need to understand the culture He lived in, the people He walked among, the struggles they faced. What better place than Sierra Leone, Africa, the poorest, most undeveloped nation in the world.
Each time I go, I understand a little more. Each time I go, I feel a little closer to Jesus. I know God has ordained for me to live here, in America, for such a time as this. I know that He is has also purposed for me to walk among those He walked among, and to have an opportunity to pour into their lives so I can experience more of His compassion for others…even more of His compassion for me.
The first night I laid on my bed trying and write out all the ways I was grateful for finally being with those I had longed to see. My prayer of thanksgiving turned into weeping. I could not stop my tears. I was faced with my weakness, my sin, my tight grip on my own plan. I remember telling the Lord how sorry I was for all the ways I don’t trust Him, for all the ways my sin and my selfishness affect others, for all the ways I try to control and have my own way, for all the ways I rely on my own strength instead of His. I told Him I just wanted Him to have his way. I realized that I am dust and He doesn’t need me to accomplish His will. He is God. He is sovereign. He is the One in control. I told Him how humbled I was that He would use me. ME…of all people….to love and serve these precious ones. I told Him how I felt unworthy and yet loved deeply all at the same time.
I did not fully understand where the tears were coming from. I just know in that moment I was broken, and I felt His compassion for me. I felt Him comfort me, reminding me that He sympathizes with my weaknesses, and like Him, like the body of Christ in Sierra Leone, He wants me to learn obedience from the things I suffer. This is His love for me. He had given me a glorious opportunity to become like Him in my brokenness.
This was the foundation He laid for the trip. He built on that foundation for the next 8 days. Pray I can put into words all He wants me to share. There was so much. At the end of each day I would marvel at ALL He had done. It was miraculous. It was as much a miracle as giving sight to the blind or turning water into wine.
I see Him a little more clearly now. Pray that I will ponder all these things in my heart. Pray every ounce of love He poured into me there I would pour back out here. Pray I would seek Him more than ever because I have seen His love and compassion in a new way. Pray I would live only to do His will!
Over the next few posts may you enjoy hearing about the beautiful people of Sierra Leone and may you hear God speak to you through their lives as He has to me.
Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Crystal blogging here from the almost Dec. 26 trip to Sierra Leone:
Yesterday I should have been traveling up the Sierra Leonean coast via speedboat with my beloved friends, Pastor Hassan and three of the older boys, including my African son Moses from the orphanage, whom I wanted to experience first-hand the planning and progress of our bridge construction project.
Our destination was the small northern village of Rookbop. This tiny place has been made infamous in the whole of Sierra Leone for the violence that occurred last April when a mob destroyed a newly built church and community center for a cash reward offered by Hezbollah. 
Several months prior water wells had been installed by a 4HIM team that had changed the countenance and health of the village from despair and disease to hope.
The message of Christ was spreading with the fresh water that flowed in the village – both washing over them with the power to clean, heal and revive the spirit.
Our objectives for Rookbop this trip were to review on-site the engineering plans of a local firm along with an Oklahoma-based road and bridge construction company that had collaborated on in order to build a bailey bridge in to the village – a bridge that will provide Rookbop adequate and modern infrastructure to access to the rest of the world.
And Rookbop, able to grow large amounts of food, stands ready to bring its plentiful rice to the rest of starving Mama Salone should the bridge be built.
Today, we were supposed to travel back to Freetown and meet with the government’s minister of public works to obtain their approval for the bridge plans and learn what may be available, such as heavy construction equipment, for aiding the project.
After the meeting I had planned to spend the next several days basking in the company of all the Wellington orphanage children – talking, laughing, listening to new songs they’d learned… Lemon and Teresa constant by my side holding my arms and giggling about whatever ridiculous Americanism I was unwittingly performing for them. Praying with little Kadiatu before she went to sleep and having her interrupt, “In Jesus’s name!” after every phrase I spoke over her.
Instead I’m at home still in my PJs trying to make sense of the last three days and what possible goodness God could bring out of missing this trip.
On Saturday at 5:00 a.m. we arrived in the OKC airport and begin a series of delays and travel mishaps that would land us stuck at the JFK airport a day later with no possible way to Sierra Leone that wouldn’t cost us another $15,000 to get there in time or a cheaper option (shelling out another $3,200) that would get us there so late we would only have three days on the ground.
We came to the conclusion it was best to stay the night in NYC and go back home. We reasoned it was better to keep the unused portion of our tickets toward a later trip that would allow us adequate time to accomplish all that is needed and more time with the children.
My friend Stephanie, who was traveling with us to Africa for the first time, would have been robbed of the full experience of AFRICA with this three-day jet-lagged cameo. I felt it unfair to ask her to shell out more money to do so.
I cannot begin to tell you the level of cool indifference and incompetence of every airline that marked every leg of the trip save the last exchange with this heavenly airline angel, who miraculously got us home at no additional cost – a total 180 from what we had been told were our options just 24 hours before.
My last conversation with an airline worker just before we gave up on getting to Africa went something like this. “Our only obligation to you was to get you to New York City. Our contract with you ends here.”
My reply. “So it doesn’t matter both of your flights were delayed by five hours which caused us to miss our international connection? You don’t feel any obligation to help get us on another flight?”
“No. Our contract ended with you here. We don’t have to do anything.”
I’d like to tell you my first thought was “Praise God! He has a plan even though we don’t understand why this happening… and Jesus bless this airport worker and rescue them from their path of eternal damnation which they are so obviously plunging headlong into.”
I actually began to feel hot defiance toward God more than anything. My honest attitude was, “What is the deal God? Why are you doing this?”
“Really Lord? You’re going to let this crap-head airline employee and delayed flights get in the way of spending time with the children? You really aren’t going to rescue us so we can accomplish an important milestone on a bridge that may help reduce starvation? You’re really not going to let Stephanie see and experience her dream? You’re going to deny her the wonderment and the healing of walking through the world’s slums and feeling how alive Christ’s spirit is in depths of poverty?”
The overwhelming disappointment from the realization that God wasn’t going to smooth our plans and make a way for us just didn’t make sense to me.
While defiance and rebellion are some of my biggest character flaws, my biggest sin often is my reaction when I don’t get my way. And I was not getting my way.
We ultimately decided we should at least spend a day in New York and see some sites, possibly a show and go back home on Tuesday.
The next morning we went to a different hotel in Manhattan in the heart of all the buzz and excitement of the city that doesn’t sleep.
Traveling to New York has been another life-long dream of mine and for whatever reason I hadn’t made it there yet in my travels. I never thought it would be under these circumstances.
So I found myself thinking, “Okay God, I feel tremendous guilt for thinking about enjoying Broadway, shopping and food – but you are the one who didn’t make a way for us to get to Sierra Leone.”
This dialogue continued in my heart the whole time we were in NYC, “God you know how busy my schedule is. You knew I felt anxious about leaving my business and all that I have going on right now to squeeze in this trip. I did my part. I put all of that aside to go do your work in Africa. And you dropped the ball.”
I mean – how wicked is my heart!
I wish I could tell you I wasn’t being such an obnoxious baby before God about it all – but for the sake of honesty that is really where I was.
So I was a little ashamed when within a couple of minutes of exploring New York City, I became fully enraptured in the busy streets, the sheer number of people, tower after tower of lights, the shops, the Bergdorf Goodman window displays, the way energy radiates and bustles from sensory overload, which keeps you oblivious to the cold…
New York was everything I had ever read about in a Fitzgerald novel or seen in a movie or imagined in my mind… and the pain of not going to Africa eased as I settled into this attitude of “I’m going to have a good time if you won’t let me have my way, God.”
Our hotel happened to be a block from where the Broadway musical “Fela!” was playing. Not knowing a thing about the man Fela Kuti – who he was or what his music was about, I couldn’t tell if the signs and posters outside the theater meant it was gay theater or just a show full of really elaborate costumes.
But Stephanie had the inside scoop from a friend who lives in NYC, who said it was worth seeing so we bought tickets to the 7:00 p.m. performance.
Little did I know the show was about the life and music of Fela Anikulapo-Kuti, a Nigerian born musician and activist who invented the sounds of “Afro-beat” and suffered greatly at the hands of his government for speaking out against their evil oppressions.
I have never seen or heard anything like it.
Imagine dozens of women in head to toe African regalia and painted faces furiously dancing, while surrounded by an explosive and thick kind of jazz made of barrel-chested djembe drummers and saxophone players churning out songs like Water Get No Enemy that decry poverty and corruption with lines like “If wata’ kill yo’ child, na wata’ you still go use.”
It was an unbelievable performance about the life and music of man that captured the essence of Africa. And it absolutely pierced my heart with grief in missing Sierra Leone.
(As a side-note, I couldn’t help but think about how many stiff necked and dour church-goers would immediately dismiss Fela, likely unable to think past the necessary finger pointing over the fact he had 35 wives and ultimately died of AIDS.)
For me though, I know it was the heart of God speaking right to my defiant childish mind.
“I AM Africa. I AM the Lord over Africa’s beauty. Africa’s music. Their culture. Their passion. Their struggles. Their restoration. I AM.”
Blessed conviction.
The arrogance of thinking I know what my role and calling is in Africa. I don’t even KNOW Africa.
I don’t begin to understand its rich inheritance. Its aching heart from centuries-long struggles. Its exploitation. Its oppression. The endless beauty and hope that continuously springs out of her people as they soldier on in life under conditions that most of us will never understand.
But the great I AM presides over it all.
I was bringing my useless sacrifices and offerings of achievement and responsibility before the Lord, and stomping around about how I made time out of my schedule to go to Africa.
Reality is my talents and my efforts are so fragile and pale apart from Him. They are weak enough to be thwarted by a single wrinkle in an airline schedule should God allow it.
So I am reminded if we are fortunate enough to be even a slight mention in His work of restoration to the nations, we should ever be still before Him – in any difficulty or any disruption – and know that He is God. And when we are not. In His mercy He will remind us of our smallness, and relieve us of the weight of our “achievement.”
God, in the face of my disappointment and temper tantrum, did something else for me through Fela. It set my longing and desire for Africa on fire again at a deeper level.
I am so unbelievably privileged to set foot on her soil and serve the Lord in Sierra Leone. I welcome every set back and every obstacle. All of it plunges me deeper into the heart of God over one of the most heroic battles to push back darkness that exists in all of creation.
Christ is all.
I have been trying very hard to not blog about Africa so that everyone would think I have a normal, American life. But this morning my heart is FULL of many things concerning the people of Sierra Leone. I am still in awe that the Lord has allowed me the opportunity to visit this little country on the coast of West Africa…that He has allowed me to walk among these precious people who have not been overlooked by Him. He knows each one by name…created them with His own hand and lives to pursue them with His love.
While I have a wonderful life here in America, a part of my heart is always in Africa. I do not go on mission trips and then simply return to my normal American life with little thought of those I left behind. I can’t…not even if I used every ounce of strength to try. My heart and mind are constantly flooded with thoughts of my African family. There is a continuous, dull ache because my American and African families are not together on one continent. I doubt this ache will ever go away. I’m not sure Jesus wants it to.
Each time I visit Africa my eyes are opened more, my heart is broken more, and my resolve stronger than ever to let God use me to bring relief and deliverance for these precious ones. Like Esther, I want to have the courage to use my royal, American position for such a time as this. I desperately want to be one of the ones He chooses to bring hope and healing to these sweet people.
I do not deserve to be used for anything. I am weak, sinful, insecure and the list goes on…but I am willing. I am willing. I don’t have much to offer, but I want to be used. I don’t have much strength, but I want to fight. No, I do not have much, but what I do have I humbly bring before Him and ask Him to multiply it for the good of these people and the glory of His name. I am desperate to be emptied of myself so that I can love more lavishly and live more deeply.
What is the point of living this life if we are not investing in eternal things? I am not asking this from a position of authority, I am asking this from the position of a student who is learning, every day, what it means to deny my flesh, take up my cross and follow Him.
He is teaching me, through His word, through brokenness, through failure, through my relationships, through the times I have alone with Him that the point of this life is to do His will.
He is a mystery. His will is not.
Scripture is clear what our purpose is and it resonates in our hearts if we listen to His still small voice on the inside…if we open our eyes to the needs all over our world. We are called to love the hurting. Reach out to the lost. Nurture our children. Honor our spouse. Clothe the naked. Feed the hungry. Bind up the broken hearted. Fight for justice. Love Him and our neighbors, even our neighbors on the other side of the earth, with all our heart mind and soul.
This is simple. This is also difficult.
It is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to learn to do…harder than breaking my drug addiction or walking out of the strip clubs. But it is also the greatest source of joy I have ever known. I have found more purpose in abandoning myself to Him and allowing Him to love through me more than I ever imagined.
This is our God. A mighty warrior. A humble servant. A just ruler. A defender of the weak. A loving parent. A faithful friend. Yes, this is our God.
I was created in His image. I want to do what He did when He was on the earth. I want to live to do His will for the glory of His name. I do not want to live for selfish gain. This will no longer do. The conflict in my heart is too great. He has won me over in the most wonderful way. I am His. Fully His. Living to do His will.
So off to Sierra Leone I go….again…in 26 days and counting.
Pray for me to be emptied of myself and to love deeply.
You will love hearing Deborah Lange’s heart in this post.
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.
This is one of those verses I’ve heard all my life. But I think its so incredible when scripture moves from being just the truth you know from the bible to a truth in your life.
God has fulfilled the promise of this verse in so many ways in my life…directing me to a two week trip to Africa in March this year and then to go back again for a month this summer and now He has directed my path to move back to that same orphanage for six months this time. A year ago I had no idea all this was part of the plan He had for me. But He knew it and was preparing my heart and life for this all along. Now I couldn’t imagine anything else. Being involved in Africa has been one of the most fulfilling and strengthening experiences of my life!
Knowing this truth of how perfectly His plan works out and seeing it played out in my life so clearly already, I am able by God’s grace to have a strong peace and confidence to move forward again confident in Him that He will continue to direct my path faithfully.
I’m not sure what all the next 6 months will hold for me but I know and believe without a doubt that if I just keep trusting and leaning on Him, He will continue to direct my path. I also understand full well what that path could possibly hold for me, there could be frustrations, pains, persecution and other struggles. But I believe that if I’m following the path God has laid out for me that path will also hold the most fulfillment, joy, blessings, and rewards I could imagine!!
This isn’t a completely new path for me. Just another leg to the journey He has had me on my whole life.
Throughout this next season of preparation and missions work in Africa I will be blogging the things that happen on this path, what God teaches me, how God is working in Africa and at the orphanage, and how you can be involved.
I invite you to follow along with me. One of the biggest blessings and a huge encouragement to me is to have the prayers and support of my family and friends and fellow believers back home.
Thanks so much to each one of you who reads this blog, prays, and supports the ministry God is doing in Africa that I just get to be a part of.
Read this one more time and really let this truth sink into your heart…
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.
Amy Kernal, who has been living at the orphanage in Wellington will be returning to America in December. God has provided yet another person who is willing to sacrifice 6 months of their American life to live in Sierra Leone, Africa. She will be a tutor, sister and friend to 80 orphaned children. Her name is Deborah Lange….
I am twenty years old and the middle of 5 children. I lost my Dad to cancer when I was 10, my life has been characterized by experiencing an abundance of God’s faithfulness and Grace through many tough trials. I am currently enrolled in a Christian Counselors program in OKC, and I love Africa with all my Heart!!
Here’s a little bit of the journey God has brought me through concerning SL.
Since the young age of 9 my life dream has been to “be a missionary and run an orphanage.” As I got older and saw no opportunities of this dream becoming reality, it began to slip out of the immediate picture and I focused my ministry building with the principle of ‘bloom where planted.’ God had chosen for my mission field to be Edmond, Oklahoma for the time being. I was investing myself there and focusing on where He led me.
In the fall of 2008 I showed up at church and to my surprise and pleasure found out the Rev. Hassan Masaray from Africa was speaking. I sat through the whole service with tears welling up in my eyes and the Holy Spirit strongly pulling at my heart and life!
Through a series of many amazing events and confirmations God sent me to Sierra Leone for a two week missions trip in March. Before I left Africa, I already knew I was called to come back and had planned my return in July. That time I was able stay nearly a month.
My lifelong dream was beginning to become more and more of a reality.
Both trips to Sierra Leone were designed primarily to disciple and minister to the children in the Wellington Orphanage. My heart soared for those weeks as God allowed me to live the most fulfilling life I can imagine; being poured out in love and service for those who need it most! He knit my heart so quickly with the Africans and in ways I never knew were possible.
Leaving was extremely difficult but I’ve continued to do my best at keeping up in correspondence and in prayer with those precious lives God brought into my life.
A flood of emotions and thoughts rushed through me when 4HIM approached me about a 6 month move to Sierra Leone to continue the discipleship, education and ministry focused on the orphanage. I knew it was exactly the desire of my heart and my life’s passion to live such a life. Through much prayer over the weeks that followed God brought confirmation and clarity to my decision to go back.
I know in my own strength I am not talented enough or capable enough to handle this task, but I rely on my God who is!!
While in Africa during July God gave me a much stronger passion and vision for the kids, the orphanage, and the country, and I am thrilled beyond words that God is giving me the opportunity to take a hands-on role and to see those changes become a reality.
There is a dire need for Education, Discipleship, Leadership training, and so much more for the 86 children at Wellington Orphanage.
I am thrilled and honored to have the privilege to be involved with His work in and with them.
1 Thess 5:24 is my current life verse “He who called you is faithful and He will do it” and I believe it with every fiber of my being.
We are trying to raise the $4,000 it will cost for Deborah to be with these precious ones for the next 6 months. If you feel you would like to give towards this eternal investment in the lives of these children please email me at Shannacrawford@hotmail.com. All donations are tax deductible.
That would have been my response to Jonathan if I were his armor bearer.
“Jonathan said to his young armor bearer “come, lets go over to the post of those uncircumcised fellows. Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few.”
1 Samuel 14:6
I’m having a hard time even putting into words the absurdity of this statement. “Perhaps the Lord will act on our behalf.” Perhaps? Perhaps? This is so crazy to me probably because of my journey with the Lord and the American Christianity that we often subscribe to. When we even get the slightest inkling that we are supposed to do one thing or another, what do we do? I know what I do. Think, ask friends, read every Christian book on the shelves, etc. (None of these are actually bad things). This takes so much time that after all is said and done, some months later, the opportunity or “prompting” is well gone and I get to chalk another one up to the fact that “it probably wasn’t what God wanted me to do.” Usually it’s something real complicated that takes a lot of effort, perhaps like stop and give a guy a dollar so he can eat, or tell someone to have a good day and ask them their name, you know those things that take about 30 seconds but “I’m way to busy to do.”
Contrast that with Jonathan, who is contemplating attacking the Philistines, slightly harder than handing out a dollar and a smile. And the best part of it, it doesn’t even seem to be God’s idea. Now Israel was God’s promised people, and Jonathan knew that. But nowhere in the passage does it say that God was “prompting” him, telling him what to do, opening doors – closing others, which is usually what we wait on. The word that he uses, perhaps, is such an ambiguous word especially when you’re talking about going into battle. It’s an in the middle, could go either way type of word.
Lets bring this down to a situation we could possibly relate a little better to. You’re having coffee with one of your best friends on your lunch break and he looks at you and says “perhaps we should go to Afghanistan in the middle of a terrorist cell and tell them God loves them.” My first response, after a laugh of course, would be what prompted you to do this? Do you feel like God is calling you to this mission? And if he were like Jonathan, maybe his response would be, “he didn’t really tell me to, but I think that its something God would maybe want us to do.” And if you’re like the armor bearer in the story you say “sure, whatever you say.” Right?
Not me. Why? Cause it’s crazy! But…I wonder if just maybe that’s the beauty of God’s story and I miss the point daily. God’s story is one where normal people do crazy things because there’s an all-powerful Creator of the Universe who loves us so much and is so crazy that it evokes crazy reactions. Rich people sell everything to follow Jesus, people quit their jobs without a two-week notice. Why? Because you heard the Son of God wants to know you and wants you to know him. That is crazy. Moving forward I hope and pray that I may be more like Jonathan, willing to show crazy love or serve the least of the least without hesitation hoping that “Perhaps the Lord will act on our behalf.”