Pushing Back Darkness

Cristy Cash, Crystal and I (Shanna) are having a night or worship/ministry/prayer for women next weekend.  The three of us have been praying and preparing for this night.  Cristy sent an email to Crystal and I.  I HAD to share it with ya’ll.  If you will read all the way down to ‘Thing 2′ you will see how this ties into orphans and widows…and us.  May you understand more of the power of God’s healing love in the lives of these two groups…and in our own lives.  

(I have taken the liberty of highlighting my favorite parts )

Hi sweet Girls!  OK-I am starting to prepare for our amazing upcoming night with God and I wanted to just share a few things that God has been showing me. I am not totally organized yet on how it fits together, but you two know God when you hear/see him so I think you will pick it out and I hope it blesses and encourages you both as you prepare!!!
 
So I have been in this new season for me – motherhood – that is rather challenging. I am not able to function at as high a level as I would like and I get discouraged. I don’t sleep very well at night, so when I go to work the next morning (I am ALWAYS late – I have come to grips with that ) I am not as “smart” as I was. Solutions don’t come easy. I rely on God, but sometimes he “let’s me down” because I needed a world’s answer – not a heart answer .I am not as tough as I think I should be – but probably tougher than I give myself credit for (people say). I fight depression – I have for years. It’s the last nagging fruit of my sinful self-centeredness and immaturity. I am trying very hard to focus on staying away from that darn pit – no, that scary chasm – that can pull me down and waste as much as an entire weekend – which I so looked forward to.

I pull this schedule for too long and then I get into a “hole” or as my sister Melinda would call it “a place” . Girls – let me tell you I am healthy enough these days to know what to do, but sometimes there is just no knowledge that can pull you out! The deficit is hard to recover.

The awesome news is – God is so good. He has given me a toolbox. Sometimes the tool is like needing oxygen when there is no air – I must desperately fend off panic and calmly and quickly work the latch on the box to find it and pull it to my lungs so that I can have the air I need to survive. But I do it! He helps me! I could have never done that 6 or 7 years ago – in many situations I could not have done it last year. There is no doubt he gently leads me along. He is so sweet. He always lets me see how my faith and effort were part of the equation so we can look at each other and smile when we accomplished something only the two of us can fully appreciate the difficulty of. But I fortunately or unfortunately have seen His Glory and I want nothing else . I know the value of a mother, of a friend and a wife. I know the value of godly leadership in a secular workplace and how rare and precious these things are – that the world tosses their value aside and that a willing worker has to sow in tears sometimes to reap in joy. God has taught me how to be music into others’ lives – and I have to do it – because it is right and fun and it is a luxury to be that to Him and to others. I want everyone to know my little family joyfully makes this sacrifice to the Pearl of Great Cost and that WE are His pearls of great cost that He rejoices in his sacrifice.

My Lord is a Pearl of Great Cost – to me. It costs my comfort and restraint in a world where I could probably be more and have more than I do.

• There is encouragement for those who have made sacrifice without yet reaping the joy!
o Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn away to false gods. Psalm 40:4
o Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence O Lord. Psalm 89:15
o I have told you these things so that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
o And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:7
o Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him. Isaiah 64:4
o When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? Psalm 56:3,4
o Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord. O my soul. I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. Psalm 146:1-2

God has recently shown me a few things through a devotional book called “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young, through Jerome’s January 15th blog entry and just through my own mini-crises of emotional pain (He seems to allow this prior to times of worship so I will be able to connect and understand.) 

• Thing #1:Thanksgiving is like a fight to the throne of God. It is how we unite with God in His sovereignty over a trial. It is the lethal blow to the enemy in spiritual warfare. It is a gentle shortcut Jesus provided to being ok. It is a sacrifice that He does not underestimate. He knows how we get shut down emotionally and thanking is so difficult. He sees the offering through tears and he will honor it. There is power in accepting each day as it comes and searching for God’s blessings in the difficulty.
o Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thess 5:18
o Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of any kind. James 1:2.

• Thing #2: I understand why the widows and the orphans. (this is just one dimension – I may be totally off base, but I think there is something to this!)
o These two groups are groups many of us think we can’t identify with. I know I have not been able to. I tend to be less patient with this group because they are so darn needy! (insert ironic sarcasm here)
o BUT we all are or have been this. It represents our time before Christ was Lord of each part of our lives – and I suppose we never leave these groups since He is always transforming us to his image. Some people here on earth represent these two groups literally, but we are all a part of them.

* The orphan is someone who has never known the hand of provision, or personal undivided love. The orphan has never known a parent who creates an environment solely for supporting their personalized developmental needs and lays out a path for their successful future. The orphan has never known the love of a mother or a father.

I have seen how powerful this love is in an instance from when Jackson was in the hospital. When he was born, he didn’t have lungs yet – just sacs that would form into lungs. It was a struggle to keep his blood saturated with oxygen – and when he was upset or uncomfortable which was much of the time, his saturation went down. He had to be given strong pain management drugs to keep him sedated and sleeping so he could be calm enough to take in oxygen. Alarms sounded often since his saturation would go down to 70 – sometimes 58% levels. When he was 5 and ½ weeks old, I got to hold him for the first time – his mother for the first time could provide direct love to him through touch. I held him on my chest with his tiny ear to my chest and the ventilator in his tiny mouth. Almost instantly we saw the physical result of that love. My heart beat into his ears, his temperature regulated on my skin and his blood saturation level pegged the top of the chart at 98 and 99%! He was calm and happy and so was I. Like when we and God hold one another like this.

o The widow is possibly more painful. She has known the tender love of a husband and had a life – then at the point when her needs are growing and not shrinking – the hand of love is removed from her and it is not there. It is not there. Instead she can see all the dreams of her future going away and look back on a life of preparation and be blind to the fruit. Dangerous loneliness creeps in and threatens to steal, kill and destroy.

o God has so much compassion for these two groups! He does not want us/them to be destroyed! He wants us to thrive and he knows they need so much support! It is a miracle to love these two groups because it is dependant on God being present in our lives to love them. That’s why it is an awesome act of God when we love and serve and support them!

Anyway – that is my long rambling I just wanted to share. Love you!

This is an update of our last mission trip from Sherri Drwenski who is part of the leadership team for the Education Project in Sierra Leone.

Dear friends,

Our flight out of OKC was delayed for hours which caused us to miss our connection in London. We ended up spending an extra day in London and flying out Wednesday evening traveling through Nairobi, Kenya, with a stop in Ghana before finally making it to Sierra Leone!

The church service on New Year’s was lively with so much joy it was hard to contain! At midnight, everyone wishes you well in addition to saying “I hope you change.” I have to agree with that statement. I really hope to change! I think one of the biggest things that I came away with this trip was that it isn’t about me or my plans to make things happen in Sierra Leone! In fact, God doesn’t even really need me, but allows me to have a part in this work because He is good. Two of the main things I set out to do were sidelined and there wasn’t a whole lot I could do about it. This is very frustrating for my American mindset, but really a commonplace thing in Africa. I had to tell the Lord that I didn’t want it to be about me and confess that I was sorry for where I did make it about me. The books that I had gathered for the tutoring program didn’t arrive with our team, but only came on the evening we left. And the library books for the senior secondary school that were sent in the last container were mistakenly taken by Njala University with the books donated to them by OSU.

In a country with no libraries, it’s not too hard to understand why these books weren’t returned when someone noticed that they were all marked clearly “Wellington Sr. Secondary School Library”. In fact, I learned that the only library in the country was vandalized during the civil war and books are just too expensive to replace. So it was with a very discouraged heart, that I realized the room that stood ready to be stocked with hundreds of books donated by friends had only encyclopedias and a few other books that somehow made it to their location. The pastors felt the loss greatly when it was understood the books were gone, but I assured them that God was able to replace the loss and provide them with a library. These are men that have faced death at firing squads and have depended on God for their survival and the survival of the 90 children they took in with no means. How can I be discouraged about such a small set back? My God is able and mighty and nothing is too hard for Him. When the library is completed, we will able be able to look at how mightily God provided. They have a vision for this library to not only serve the Senior Secondary and Junior Secondary students, but they will also open up the library to university students and others to bless the community around them. So I am once again humbly asking for book donations.

We had the wonderful privilege of traveling with two amazing women, Shanna and Deborah. Deborah is staying for the next six months to tutor the children in reading and math and really be a mom to them. We had an amazing time getting the children into groups and starting the reading program. She is going to be such a blessing to them, and I’m excited that she gets to continue the good work started by Amy Kernal. Shanna has been to Africa four other times and loves more than any person I know. I literally asked God to help me love deeply like her all those around me. Every time I turned around, she was praying with someone, or studying the word with children, or just loving on someone.

We were there with another team from Dallas and had the incredible opportunity to take part in a community outreach. The children of the orphanage sang and performed for hundreds of people, while we got the chance to serve meals to those who came. We rarely see people who are truly hungry. We talked about it later with the older children and described all the ways that people can get food in America. There are no food stamps or food banks or soup kitchens in Sierra Leone. So when the word goes out that the church is serving a free meal – not just rice, but rice, meat, and something else I couldn’t identify, plus a cold beverage – the people came. They sat patiently while we handed out meals. But as time went on the children in the back of the room started to get panicky about not getting a meal. They began to mob us as we served, making it almost impossible. We kept assuring them that they would get a plate, but that didn’t help. They only knew that they were hungry and we had food. The orphans served food and drinks to those around them. Isn’t that just an amazing thought! Orphans, who are usually at the bottom of the totem pole are serving others. We felt that Jesus was right there in the midst of these people caring for their needs and making sure they were fed.

The whole trip was filled with ways that God showed us each day, all day His faithfulness and provision. But one of the most amazing things that happened while we were there is still hard for me to believe! A group of us were walking down the hill with Pastor Hassan in the lead. A lady called out to him from in front of her house, and he walked over to talk to her. When he came back to our group, he said that she had just given birth on Christmas Day to a baby girl and their imam had told them that it was a sign that the baby should be blessed in the Christian Church! This family was Muslim!! The mother said that she had a peace about that and asked the pastor if they could bring her to the church. Pastor Hassan, who himself was raised Muslim, told the family that this happened because God wanted them to accept Jesus Christ. The father said he wasn’t ready to do that yet, but would allow his baby to be blessed in the church. Well, sure enough, just two days later, this woman came to church with her very small baby. She sat next to us at the front of the church through the service. Then the pastor called her to the front of the church where she sat with her baby. He told the whole congregation her story and how God used this baby to bring this family to know about Christ. He spoke directly to the baby, blessing her and when he asked the baby’s name, the mother said it was “Christiana”!! He gave the mother a bible and asked her if she would teach her child about God and raise her the way God wanted her to. The woman agreed she would and the church then blessed her with an offering. The pastor’s quiet, but very strong faith never wavers from the truth that Jesus Christ is the way, the truth, and the life, and that no man comes to the father except through the son. Oh, for boldness like that!!

My dear, sweet husband is called “a hard-working man” by all the children and adults at the orphanage. Hassan Oxford, his right-hand man at the orphanage, said that he is a man of works, not words. He works from sun-up to past sun-down on things that need fixing. He repainted chalkboards for Deborah’s tutoring and at the senior secondary school. He cleaned out the generator tanks that were contaminated with water and bolted the generator down so that it could be outfitted with a muffler he brought. He fixed the always breaking-down chairs and tables at the orphanage. He and two other men made a table for the kitchen ladies from pallets. They had nothing to set food off of the ground on. He made a cover for the water tank on the roof that was open to birds and bugs. He and his crew sprayed the orphanage three times for cockroaches. I have to think that this helped, but it seemed to make them only go running everywhere! He was also seen fixing lockers for children or anything else they brought to him that needed fixing! And one of his main jobs was to make sure that Deborah was set for her stay. He installed new mosquito screens on the windows and door, hung her mosquito net, built her a shelf, and sprayed her room for bugs! He loves all the children so much that it is very hard for him to say goodbye without tears. They love their Papa Greg and how hard he works for them! In addition to all this, Greg met with the Minister of Works and Infrastructure with Pastor Hassan to show him the bridge plans and to further the work that Crystal and Mike Webb are doing to build a bridge in a very remote village. The minister was an amazing man that has a passion for bridge-building in his country and cleared the way for 4-HIM’s new construction company, “Nehemiah Construction Company” to be licensed to begin the work. And last but not least, Papa Greg was given the privilege of preaching at church on Sunday and also sharing the word with the children during several devotions.

I know this is a very long at this point, but I have to share one more thing that the gave me so much joy! I feel like it was such a gift from God. I worked in the library at the orphanage to reorganize the books over several days and had many helpers and visitors. When the children came in, I would ask them to tell me about what they had read in the library or what their favorite books were. I had so many children describe to me their favorite books, even pulling them off of the shelves to show me. One girl pulled off of the shelf a Christian U.S. History textbook. This seemed like a very unlikely “favorite book”, but she showed me her favorite part. It was a section about how John Wesley came to America and shared the gospel with American Indians. This same girl told me that she wanted to be a journalist and write a book about the war. I was then able to show her books on the shelves that others had written about wars. I showed her Anne Frank’s Diary, Zlata’s Diary (a 13 year old’s diary about the Bosnia War), and also showed her Corrie ten Boom’s book written from prison. I encouraged her to read these and write her book! Isn’t it amazing that God loves these children so much that they have a wonderful, small library in their orphanage, in a country without libraries. And God is using these resources to build up these Nehemiah’s so they can in turn restore their country!

Thank you again everyone who shared in this with us through your encouragement, prayers, and support. God is good all the time!

Love,
Greg and Sherri

Yesterday someone asked me, “How did your wife’s trip go?” The question caught me a little off guard. You see this person was not looking for a ‘good/not good’ response. They wanted to ‘KNOW’ how it went. After past trips I was able to answer this question with quick, powerful stories. One time I was able to say, “4 babies that were going to die, lived instead.” Another time I was able to say, “A whole polio village that was starving (in Sierra Leone there are no emergency food stamps) was provided with food for the rainy season.” This time I could not think of a big story so I just said, “Good.” Many people have questioned me about why people go on these mission trips. It is not always easy to quantify. Many people think it is not a wise use of money. For most trips at least I can tell these people, “Well, she (using gifts donated by friends) fed a whole village and saved a few babies. Is that enough for you?” But that is not the real value of any of her trips. I think this trip has really shown the most important of all the reasons that she goes. This reason is ‘simply to share a bottle of water.’

Later that night as we were going to bed Shanna brought a stack of letters the kids wrote to her into our bedroom. She has been reading 2 of them a night to me. I was really tired this night and put up a little bit of a fight. She told me it would only take a few min so I agreed just to pacify her. One letter really stuck out to me. One of the girls wrote her saying how special a walk they took together was to her. The girl specifically thanked Shanna because as they walked and talked Shanna shared her bottle of water with her. The girl said, “No one has ever show me love like that.” Wow! “No one has ever shown me love like that!” What???
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I realized that I had heard at least 20 kids say basically the same things to her in letters I have read. “When you shared your food with me…When I asked you to do a bible study with me…When you held me when I cried…When you took care of me when I was sick…When you bought me clothes in the market place…When you wrote me a letter and sent a picture.” No wonder probably about 30 to 40 of the kids call me Dad now even though most have never talked to me. I am going to be honest, when I go I will want to stay at the Hotel. When she goes she stays in their rooms with them. When I go I will give them food. When she goes she will share a plate with them. What most people do not understand about orphans is that their greatest desire…the pinnacle of their desire is not for food and water. The pinnacle of their desire is for SOMEONE to provide food and water. If they were hungry and you gave them the choice of food or to be held what do you think they would choose? If they were sick with a fever and you give them a choice between a bottle of water and someone to hold them and pray for them (as Christina Parker did and almost lost her life doing it) what do you think they would choose? Why does Shanna raise $3600 to leave her kids and life for weeks at a time? Why doesn’t she just send all that money over in cases of food, drink and medicine? I will tell you why…because IT IS MORE IMPORTANT for her to share one bottle of water as she walks and talks with a girl who does not have a mother. It is more important for her to sit and hold a girl as she cries and recounts the story of her parents’ deaths. It is more important for a little boy to be able to show his friends his ‘Mom Shanna’ and brag about how she comes 5-6 weeks every year to spend time with him.

Let me tell you who my God is! He is THE GOD that will travel thousands of miles and spend thousands of dollars to share a bottle of water with an orphan! He is THE GOD who will hold a child with TB even though it will almost kill Him. He is the GOD who will leave his own spouse and children so he can Love those who have no family! How my heart burns for Him! How beautiful HE is!

You see, Shanna did many things on her trip. She helped with the education program, she clothed many of the kids and she provided food for the hungry but the most important thing? How did her trip go? What is the greatest thing she has ever done?

‘SHE SHARED A BOTTLE OF WATER WITH JESUS’

Was it worth the $3600 that was given? Was it worth 2 weeks without physical contact (you know what that means)? Was it worth my kids having to suffer a little? Was it worth…is it worth risking her very life? Is it worth risking my kids maybe living with no mom? HELL YEAH! If He risked the cross for me…and I believe that…why would I not risk anything just to give him a drop of water? Why would I not show others a love they have never seen? It will all be worth it to hear someone say to me, “No one has ever shown me love like that.”

Our oldest Africa son Solomon is in his second year at Njala University in Sierra Leone. His best friend is Desmond. Together these two are going to change their nation to the glory of God. I will write more about these two precious ones later, but for now I will let you read a recent email exchange between Desmond and I:

Desmond,

Thank you for all the time you spent with me while I was in Africa. Thank you for seeking the Lord with all of your heart. Thank you for being a constant source of love and encouragement for my sweet son Solomon. I feel so blessed and proud to be connected to your life.
You are an amazing young man. I want to tell you some reasons why I am proud of and why the Lord is proud of you through some of the things I observed about you on this last trip.

The first thing is the testimony of how you sought the Lord with everything in you when you wanted to switch course studies. You sought His face and did not give up. You knew that He had the power to act in your behalf and you trusted him in this. The joy that you had when He granted your requested was so precious! I KNOW that He rejoices over you and takes great delight in you…because you take such delight in Him.

I loved that you were content to just sit and be with us. Even if we weren’t directly interacting with you. You were with us to give and not to receive. The few nights that Solomon didn’t come to the home, you came anyway and sat and talked with me…you could have stayed with him because I know you love him and also desired to spend time with him. Thank you for spending time with me in his behalf. You are a great friend to him. Being a good friend is difficult and rare. It is hard to not try and see how we can get fulfillment from our friendships instead of how we can give.

It was worship to the Lord that you sat and spent so much care and time making the ties for dad Jerome and papa Greg…the jewelry for me and Mama Sherri and the necklass for Micah. I want you to know the tie, and the jewelry you made this time and last time are some of our greatest treasures. It is so special to me that you made something with such love and thoughtfulness. I love the jewelry you made more than my most expensive piece of jewelry that has been bought in America. Thank you!

I know it was difficult and a sacrifice to type up the laws. It was so special that you had two copies made and bound for me and Crystal. I know this was not a small or easy thing for you to do. It was a labor of love. Please know that these laws are precious to me. I am so proud of you and Solomon for creating them. They are a treasure to me!

Thank you for the rich spiritual conversations that you had with me about the scriptures, the things of the Lord. Those conversations strengthened my faith and have brought me closer to the Lord.
Thank you for your joy. Your sacrifices to spend time with me. Thank you for the way you love and serve Solomon. Thank you for the way you have accepted me into your life and made me feel special and loved.

I want you to know I feel as if it was a gift from the Lord to meet your family. I felt it was a great honor. The love you showed your mum when we went to your house was so precious. The way you showed her affection and honored her with your words was amazing. She is so blessed to have you as a son! I want you to know it is very difficult to be a mum and raise your children in the Lord, it can become so discouraging at times, you wonder if you are doing a good job and want to please the Lord. You loving and encouraging your mum and praising her, honoring her, being affectionate toward her, gives her the strength and encouragement to continue seeking Him and leading her children in the Lord. God is using you in her life.

I love that you are seeking to honor him by being steadfast in your studies. I know that you know the Lord is going to use you for many years to come to change your nation and even the world to make an eternal difference.

Even though you did not sleep the last night you came back to the home and stayed with me until I left. I know you were very tired. Your sacrifice was such a blessing. Your presence was a comfort.
Desmond, during my time in Africa the Lord has used you in immeasurable ways to bring me closer to the Lord and to encourage me to continue to believe that He will do greater things in my life, in Sierra Leone, in America. He has used you to remind me that He is taking care of Solomon, serving him through you in my absence. He has used you to remind me that investing in the lives of those He has called me to is my highest calling…and that there is an eternal difference being made.

I love you!

I love Solomon, more than I have words for. I know that you are one of the most important parts of his life. I feel so blessed that we too are connected as one family. Thank you for loving him so much. Please continue to encourage him and love him deeply in my behalf…in the Lord’s behalf. Your love and encouragement play a BIG role in God’s plan for his life. Please continue to pray the Lord would bring him to America soon. My heart aches so much for him to be here with us.
I love you and am counting the days until we are all together again as one family.

Give my love to your mum, dad and brothers. Tell your mum that her love for the Lord, her husband and children has made a great impact on me. She will reap a harvest for many years to come for her love and faithfulness. She is beautiful inside and out. I will write her and send a letter with the next team.

Desmond, thank you again.

Your life has eternal value and you are precious to the Lord, so precious.

Pray He makes a way for me to return soon! Keep seeking Him with your whole heart. He is our great reward, our greatest Treasure. He is all we really need. He is more than enough to keep and sustain our lives!

Keep reminding Solomon of God’s love and mine.

I love you!

Mum

(I am so sorry for crying so much when I left. I was trying not to…it is just so difficult. When I am there I grow so much more deeply in love with each visit and so there is pain at the thought of being separated for months. But as always He brings comfort joy and strength to last between each visit. He also somehow grows and strengthens the relationships even though I am not physically with those I love so much. This is a miracle that only He could perform in the human heart! )

I love you and will see you soon!

Mum

Hi Mum

Thank you very much for appreciating the time we spent together, and for the good dialog that we got. No need to say thanks because I did what I did out of love, the love for God, you and Solomon. I was so excited for your arrival here in Sierra Leone so it was my place for us to have good time.

How were Dad Jerome and the boys when you got back? I know they were missing you a lot. I’m so glad Him and Micah love the gift that I made for them.

I’m also glad that you love what we did to the laws, had Crystal get her own copy? I only hope she loves it just as you did.
As you are aware Solomon has set off for his campus, to prepare himself for the exam forth coming. He is going to start his exam on the 25th of this month, my own time table for the exam is not yet up, but hope to be very soon.

I was so sad seeing you both leaving, I did not wanted you both to leave at all. I was really enjoying the time that we all was having together as a family, they were my best moment, especially the night that we stood up till 4:30 in the morning, I love the conversations that we had that night. I pray that the good Lord that we are serving will bring us together again as one family.

Mum is extending her thanks and appreciation for the gift that you bought for her, she really love’s it and like putting it on each and every other day. She loved the conversation that you both had as two mothers and she keeps on talking about it. She really appreciate that you endeavor to come and see them on your arrival here in Sierra Leone, and she hope that God will make it possible for such things to happen again.

Mum, I want to thank you for the time that we had when you were here, I want to thank you for walking all the way down to see my family and had a good chat with them, and most of all I want to thank you for the money that you left with me, I really appreciate it. I used the money to buy my statistics material to prepare myself for the exam, as I’m a little bit behind, so I need the materials to close the gap between me and my colleagues.

Once again I say thank you very much for all that you did.
My greetings to the entire family and friends, I love you all.

Stay bless
Love always
Your Son
Desmond

I am back from Sierra Leone. By the grace of God I am settling back into my American life. This transition is always unique for me. I don’t think it is ever easy.

I am not sure where to start so I guess I will start from the beginning.

We missed our flight in London and had to stay the night at a hotel. We had to take two extra flights and go through many extra hours of travelling starting the next evening. We finally arrived two days after we were supposed to. I can now say I have walked on the land of Kenya…if walking from the airport to the airplane counts 

This whole process forced me to depend on Him. I was discouraged. I was heart sick. I did not want to be in London. I did not care about seeing Big Ben or St. Peter’s Cathedral. At that moment I didn’t care about the opportunity to learn about London’s rich history. I wanted to see Pastor Hassan’s face and hold my African sons hand on the drive to the orphanage. I wanted to walk up the familiar hill to the home. I longed to see beautiful African women with babies tied to their backs while they carried bowls of bread on top of their heads. I wanted to be greeted by 90 orphans smiling faces. I wanted to sit and hug my African sons and daughters and have them tell me about how they are doing in school, what they have been reading in the bible, how their lives have been during our 5 month separation. I wanted to spend every waking moment of the 10 days I had been planning with the ones I love. God has His own way. God has His own timing. God has His own plan. So I chose to trust Him.

In looking back I know the Lord used the extra travel and missed planes to prepare me to do His will while I was in SL. He used the extra time and the fatigue to allow me to be emptied of myself, to be weak so I could experience more of His strength. In my emotional and physical weakness I cried out to Him. Through this He revealed many things in my heart. Things I needed to let go of…ways I wasn’t trusting Him. He brought me near.

I secretly think He stretched out the days while I was there. It did not feel like we lost two days. In fact it felt as if He multiplied every day we were in country. The days were long and they were full. Full of His love, His purposes, His voice, His breath, His joy, His sorrow, His wisdom, His counsel, His will.

Like never before I felt as if this must have been the culture Jesus walked in while on the earth. I reflected on all I have learned about His life through the gospels. I am certain if He were here today He would be walking among the poorest groups of people in the world…giving the willing ones a spiritual richness…living water.

At one point we were telling Pastor Hassan we wanted to understand the culture of Sierra Leone so we could best minister to the children. He told us we only needed to read the bible to understand his culture. This has stood out in my mind. If I want to understand Jesus more…the compassion He had, I need to understand the culture He lived in, the people He walked among, the struggles they faced. What better place than Sierra Leone, Africa, the poorest, most undeveloped nation in the world.

Each time I go, I understand a little more. Each time I go, I feel a little closer to Jesus. I know God has ordained for me to live here, in America, for such a time as this. I know that He is has also purposed for me to walk among those He walked among, and to have an opportunity to pour into their lives so I can experience more of His compassion for others…even more of His compassion for me.

The first night I laid on my bed trying and write out all the ways I was grateful for finally being with those I had longed to see. My prayer of thanksgiving turned into weeping. I could not stop my tears. I was faced with my weakness, my sin, my tight grip on my own plan. I remember telling the Lord how sorry I was for all the ways I don’t trust Him, for all the ways my sin and my selfishness affect others, for all the ways I try to control and have my own way, for all the ways I rely on my own strength instead of His. I told Him I just wanted Him to have his way. I realized that I am dust and He doesn’t need me to accomplish His will. He is God. He is sovereign. He is the One in control. I told Him how humbled I was that He would use me. ME…of all people….to love and serve these precious ones. I told Him how I felt unworthy and yet loved deeply all at the same time.

I did not fully understand where the tears were coming from. I just know in that moment I was broken, and I felt His compassion for me. I felt Him comfort me, reminding me that He sympathizes with my weaknesses, and like Him, like the body of Christ in Sierra Leone, He wants me to learn obedience from the things I suffer. This is His love for me. He had given me a glorious opportunity to become like Him in my brokenness.

This was the foundation He laid for the trip. He built on that foundation for the next 8 days. Pray I can put into words all He wants me to share. There was so much. At the end of each day I would marvel at ALL He had done. It was miraculous. It was as much a miracle as giving sight to the blind or turning water into wine.

I see Him a little more clearly now. Pray that I will ponder all these things in my heart. Pray every ounce of love He poured into me there I would pour back out here. Pray I would seek Him more than ever because I have seen His love and compassion in a new way. Pray I would live only to do His will!

Over the next few posts may you enjoy hearing about the beautiful people of Sierra Leone and may you hear God speak to you through their lives as He has to me.

Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.